I ran a 5K today. Two months ago, my greatest form of exercise was parking far away at the grocery store and walking 300 feet to the entrance. Well, if the weather was nice. Today, I'm the proud 186th place runner at the Exeter PTO "Get Fit in May" 5k. Yes, I came in 186th place. And I'm not complaining.
I had two goals in this race:
1. Finish without dying, stopping, fainting, crying, hitting or pinching the other runners,
vomiting, soiling my pants, or walking.
2. Don't be the absolute last to finish.
Well, mission accomplished. I did not die, and that's good. I did not faint, stop, or cry, and although I came close, I did not express any violence towards others. Neither did I vomit, soil my pants, or walk. So I'm pretty good on that one. And, although I came in at proud number 186, there were over 114 people who came in after me. Ha.
And I ask myself..."why, why the hell, on a cold, rainy, Saturday morning, when I could be sleeping until high noon, am I getting up at 6:30 am to run?" I don't know if I can answer that one.
Is it because I'm trying to shrink my bum? A little. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally into radical self acceptance. I just want what's best for my bum though, and I think it'd be happier if it were a teensy bit smaller.
Maybe it's because I'm 26 and I'm not where I'd expected to be in life and don't know when or if I'll ever be there. And because the doctor keeps mentioning "infertility" and "endometriosis" and I just got a shot in above mentioned bum to warp me into instant menopause in a last ditch effort to kick some endometriosis-ass.
And because the word "infertility" makes me want to scratch somebody's eyeballs out and I'm a little bit angry all of the time and I've accepted that and I'm working on outletting it in a healthy way even though everyone else finds it a little bit scary.
So I run. And I ran today and I thought about it all and didn't feel guilty when I passed eight year olds who were beating my ass...I felt proud. Because at some point or other they're also going to have to learn that you don't always get to the finish line first and sometimes you end up in a different race entirely. Sometimes, you just have to run for the sake of running.