Friday, October 9, 2009

Writer's Block

I hate writer's block. I had my longest running case of it when I was pregnant and found myself so dumbfounded that for once, I had nothing to say. It was all I could do to pick my chin up off the floor. For the past week I've been battling another nasty case of this dreaded affliction, and half-written posts have been piling up from my twisted, frustrated attempts to communicate something coherent, witty, or at least mildly amusing.

Perhaps it was purging my Bella guilt that has left me silenced. Perhaps it was crossing the line and then trying to figure out whether to stay on the other side or bashfully retreat back into the safe territory where I talk about peeing on myself and cutesy baby things. We'll see.

Two paragraphs in, I should mention that this little incident of writer's block is still very much with me at this moment. It's like getting cut off by someone going 15 mph under the speed limit when you've just moved into the passing lane, over and over and over and over again. And with two babies at home, it's not like I can simply hit the gas pedal when that car finally gets out of my way, because I guarantee that by then someone will have a massively poopy diaper and my motherly guilt will force me to change it rather than whipping open the laptop to let my inspiration flow. And I'm not complaining. Simply explaining why this post might suck, why I might suddenly have the writing skills of a third grader, and that I am posting anyway out of guilt and obligation and fear that those who follow might get bored and simply move on if I don't throw out at least one or two niblets of amusement on a somewhat regular basis. So.

Although I cannot be depended upon to write anything spectacular at this specific point in time, I figure I can give a few updates on past posts that may have left some things hanging. And if it sucks, well, fine. Let's have this post also symbolize a big old F*** YOU to writer's block.

Sleep Training
After agonizing for months, we finally gave in/took the plunge/gathered the courage/were about to gouge our own eyeballs out - and started sleep training (read: crying it out) with the babies. Our strategy was to let them cry for ten minutes and then go in and rub their backs (but NO picking them up) for two minutes...repeat...repeat...repeat...until asleep. I knew that once we committed to this, it wouldn't be fair to the babies to not follow through. Thus began my first experience in loving discipline. Not punishment. Discipline. To anyone who thinks that sleep training is a cop out for lazy parents who are sick of taking care of their children at night, think again. Sleep training has been much more difficult than getting up with the babies every hour (or every twenty minutes) all night long. But. It is working. The babies are finally getting more sleep (10-12 hours a night) and sleep in stretches of 4-8 hours at a time. They are napping during the day. Most amazing to me is how much their development has picked up since they started getting more sleep. At the beginning of the summer, our OT gauged the babies' development 3-4 months behind their actual age. When she came and visited this past Monday, she gauged their development in the 6-8 (Quin) and 8-10 (Rhys) month range - perfectly on target and vastly improved from just a few short months ago. I'll write more on sleep training some time soon, because it is deserving of its own post. The sheer amount of wine I consumed is deserving of its own post, if we're going to really get honest.

The Line
I don't have cancer in my butt. I know, because I finally went for the colonoscopy. And folks, I don't really want to talk about that. Once the mental scars have healed, I may consider a post on this topic. But for Christ sake. I just had a camera up there and need some distance from the whole experience. What I will say is that the doctor who is now far too familiar with my back-door-areas told me that I am spoiling my children because I'm not planning on giving up breastfeeding at the one year mark. Maybe shoving a camera up a person's ass imparts such a powerful feeling that it becomes necessary to give bad and unsolicited advice about all topics in all areas, or maybe this doctor was just an ass herself. But really? Either way, I refuse to be offended by the ignorance of a woman who has chosen to make a career out of rectal examinations. And Dr. Igari, if you're out there, I'd like you to know that I may well breastfeed far beyond the age of not one, but two. And might I also just mention that this would be totally in line with the recommendations of the World Health Organization. But hell. What do they know.

Food, mobility, and general development. (And here's where both babies have woken up from their naps, both have poopy diapers, mommy has a raging headache, and let's just wrap this up already! sets in)
They're eating. Sweet potatoes, apples, avocados, lentils, and bananas. Must post entirely about food and include pictures. Coming soon to a blog near you. Way more entertaining than one might expect.

They're crawling. Everywhere. Main goal: seek danger.

They're developing. Language, personalities, and the ability to pull each other's hair.

So.

As I search for a witty closing line or amusing summary, I do nothing but come up empty handed.

I hate writer's block.

5 comments:

Daryl said...

If in any way my comment made you regret your post about Bella, I am sorry (yes I am that self centered that I believe I am responsible). It was a beautiful AND sad post and the follow up photo with her and the baby is wonderful.

This was a great post ... I am not sure dissing the proctologist is fair, considering her advice was given because (I think I recall you saying your diet and avoiding giving the boys reflux were linked) she is concerned for YOUR health.

WannabeMommy said...

Writer's block? I don't see any evidence of writer's block here.

Congrats on getting thru the colonoscopy. I've done 2 so far... and yes, they SUCK. But it sounds like you are on the right track with the no-glutten no-dairy thing. Good luck with that!

ps... I left a little award for you on my blog... not sure if I told you yet :-)

Lauren said...

i'm glad the babies are developing language april, that's exciting for me to hear! i'm am a language nerd though. glad everything else is getting on track.

Lauren said...

i'm glad the babies are developing language april, that's exciting for me to hear! i'm am a language nerd though. glad everything else is getting on track.

freckletree. said...

No worries on the block.

When you can write, write about things that happened that day. Don't stress so much about it. Here, I'll help with topics that are near and dear:

Baby poop: texture, smell, frequency . . . it's something that has it's own evolution and every mother is totally obsessed.

Talk more shit about people: in general. That person in line in front of you with all of the groceries and you are buying milk with twins and they didn't let you cut in front-- tell us about it. Your doc? Who cares who she's looking out for-- talk shit! People who comment about your business?

Your panties or lack thereof: always a gratifying post.

Your new long lost twin and bf who is fatter but doesn't have writer's block: ooooh, or maybe you should just eat lots of cake and stop exercising. And move next door.