Wednesday, June 25, 2008

It's E-Day

Today is THE DAY.

July 7th will also be THE DAY, but today is THE DAY for right now.
(July 7th=pregnancy test).

Today we transfer my little embryo-yos to their true home: me.

I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

I'm terrified and want to cry.

I've done everything I can to be ready for this moment. I've meditated. I've blogged. I've cried. I've yoga'd. I've cried. I've acupunctured. I've cried. I've read. I've cried. I've talked. And talked. And talked. And talked.

My efforts are not without reward.

I've discovered that I have a support network that previously, I might only have dreamed about. I have fabulous, kind, loving, funny, supportive people in my life. When I ran my first 5k last year, I remember feeling that the course felt much longer than anything I had ever practiced. I felt tired and alone. I had a cramp, I was running slowly, and didn't know anybody around me. I worried that I wouldn't finish, or that I would finish dead last and everyone would laugh as I stumbled across the finish line. But then I came upon the last half mile, and one by one, supporters started to fill the sidelines of the course. They didn't know me, but they cheered. And the closer I got to the finish line, the more people there were, standing and cheering words of encouragement. I felt so proud, so supported, as I crossed the finish line. These people didn't care that I was slow, that I had bad form. And I'm realizing that those people are with me now. Except for this time I know them, and they're all wonderful. And if it weren't for infertility, I might not know that right now. Some of them, I wouldn't know at all.

I don't know what will happen today, or in the next 12 days. Not knowing still gets to me. Even now, I haven't gotten used to it. But the reality is, I know exactly what will happen: I will be pregnant, or I won't. Simple as that.

And even beyond that, I know what will happen. Pregnant or not, I know I will survive.

9 comments:

Debbie said...

And pregnant, or not, you will always be surrounded by a close network of family and friends who love you. We are here to offer support, hugs, whatever you need, whenever you need it. You WILL survive.

Jilliane said...

This is the day we have all been waiting for. I have it marked on the calendar along with July 7th. Relax, breathe, and embrace the moment for what it is. You are doing everything right. And pregnant, or not pregnant, you are still the greatest friend anyone could ask for. I am thinking of you on this day....and Kyle....sorry Kyle, you have a part in this too!! Love you both very much!

KJW said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LJN said...

Good Luck A&K

Sades said...

I remember racing with you in Exeter, and you did incredible. You kept running through that like you have this, and your smile after you crossed the finish line told me it was worth all that effort. Good luck today.

KJW said...

Good luck, Jilliane and I will be thinking of you and Kyle.

Amy said...

I am so happy for you both on this wonderful day. Your blog is amazing. Your writing is powerful. Your strength is inspirational. I am keeping you in my thoughts and hoping for the best!

Christa said...

Best of luck April!

Heide said...

MY WONDERFUL,PERKY,DETERMINED D-I-L- YOU WILL SUCEED IN THIS AS YOU HAVE IN EVERY OTHER VENTURE YOU HAVE TRIED AND TRUELY WANTED- LOOK HOW LONG YOU WAITED FOR KYLE TO FINALLY COME AROUND! WE ALL LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU -AND CHERISH THE LITTLE EMBIES BECOMING AN INTRICAL PART OF YOU - I WAIT WITH BATED BREATH FOR THE OUTCOME OF THIS YOUR MOST FAMOUS AND PUBLICIZED VENTURE YET- YOU ARE VERY SPECIAL TO SHARE YOUR PAIN AND PLEASURE MOST OPENLY - I LOVE YOU -ALL FOUR OF YOU -FOR AS LONG AS IT LASTS -WHATEVER THE OUTCOME -MA