It's Monday evening.
I successfully completed a fairly productive day of work.
Bed rest is over. :(
I remarked to someone at work today that I haven't started to dissect every little thing that's going on in my body to determine if it might be a pregnancy symptom. Ever since, I've been dissecting every little thing that's going on in my body to determine if it might be a pregnancy symptom, or worse, a PMS symptom.
I had a wicked sugar craving this afternoon, and it has occurred to me that this very well could be the first signs of PMS. I bought a jumbo sized box of skittles and sucked the sugary coating off of every single one while I drove home from work. Gained some guilt, lost the craving.
A week from now, I will know whether or not I am pregnant. This afternoon, I felt the first true twinges of sadness at the thought that this may not result in a baby. Maybe it's being out of my bed rest bubble and back into the real world that I am finally seeing the dust settle around my IVF whirlwind.
I have not lost hope. I have gained fear.