Friday, May 22, 2009

Now it's just about the beer.

I'm running in a 5k on Sunday.

I signed up really only because I thought that it would be cool to casually run my 5k while pushing the jogger containing four month old twins that grew to fruition in my womb.  And I knew that when I came in last, people would hardly notice, because hey - cute babies.

Things have sort of unraveled from my initial plan.  And really, I deserve it, cause I was sort of just trying to be casual-cool-runner-mom.  Devastatingly beautiful, casual, cool, runner-mom.

Turns out you cannot run with babies in our jogger until they're eight months old.  And desperate as I may be to have my babies make me look good, I'm going to trust the manufacturer's advice on this one.

Turns out that even sans babies, I'm clocking a sturdy TWELVE minute mile.

Turns out, I am rarely casual.

Let me repaint the projected image of my 5k in a little color I like to call reality.

I will frantically run the 5k, constantly concerned about the well being of my sweet twins (who will be in the very competent hands of a very competent friend at the finish line), scarcely able to mask my jealously of the women in their nineties who gracefully bound past me like ballerina gazelles.  I probably won't be able to suck in my residual baby bump while I run, and it will jiggle.  Also jiggling will be my breasts, and this is a new, addictive, and marvelous concept for me.  So I probably won't be able to get over my awe that real, live, cleavage attached to my real, live, body is actually bouncing, and I'll spend much of the race looking down and wondering if people can tell that I'm not really Pam Anderson.  I'll also spend much of the race worrying that this jiggling will lead to some sort of tear, and that one of my highly prized boobies will end up SPLAT! on the ground.  I'll force myself to run all the way to the finish line.  Unless I've given in to my little ice cream-for-breakfast habit, in which case I'll develop a torturous cramp and have to walk.  Ach.

And here, my friends, is what will make it all worth it:

This race happens to be at a brewery.  A brewery that gives you beer at the finish line.

I will take my sweet babies in my arms, hike up my shirt, latch on the little guys, and take a long, sweet sip, ignoring (totally not ignoring) all judgment.

I refuse to stop dreaming.


Parsing Nonsense said...

You go right on dreaming! I think beer's a fine reward for running a 5K, though it would probably take the promise of truffles and cosmos to actually get me to try one.

I hope your ladies don't fall off, and that you see frantic little excited baby faces awaiting you at the finish line!

April said...

Well, if one of the girls DOES detach and SPLAT on the ground - what a post that will be!

Anonymous said...

Wait to go April! You'll do great I'm sure. My friend has a Bob stroller, and she has been running with her baby in it since 5months without the carseat. I have been as well. Both our babies are doing just fine, and love being in the joggers. Especially if you are running on roads. Although I have to say racing with a jogger is a pain in the neck. People stepping in front of the wheel constantly, and you trying not to send another runner to the hospital by running them over. It is a great excuse for a slow time though!


Jilliane said...

As the "competent friend" I will be anxiously awaiting your arrival at the finish line. I almost wonder if I will burn more calories then all you brave runners, because I will be spending approximately 40 minutes of my day, bouncing. Bouncing ALOT. Alternating babies and then bouncing some more. If only I had the lush breast to bounce with me....ahhh someday. I look forward to every little bounce and whimper and I can't wait to see Mommy's face at the finish line! Oh yeah....P.S. Don't hate me if I already have a beer in my hand ;)

Deb said...

What the heck? The fact that your mother is your running partner doesn't even rate a mention? The fact that I will drag you and your 'girls' across the finish line? The fact that you convinced me to run this 5K with you and I have been practicing for weeks? Quality mother/daughter time as we jiggle our way to the beer tent ! Life is good.

Daryl said...

Well maybe the boys will enjoy a little well shaken, not stirred milk .. and you can have the beer chaser

G the V said...


You can feel good about your race by the way. I felt so guilty that I watched all of you run on Sunday I went on a four mile run on Monday. It took me an hour.