Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Purchasing groceries.

So you know when you're at a pretty disgusting grocery store, but you're shopping there anyway because our economy has tanked and now you have no money but hey! we still have to eat, right? and you suddenly need to pee Right! Now! because you're nursing two babies and usually you're so dehydrated that your lips are peeling and then when you try to rehydrate you overcompensate until you feel like you're six months pregnant again what for all the water in your tummy so you decide that rather than just letting out a gush in the middle of the aisle you'd best make your way to the restroom which absolutely happens to be in the back through the swinging doors to the stockroom and is hugely disgusting, like we're talking pubic hairs on the toilet and weird smudges on the floor and walls but oh. thank. god. relief is in sight and so you make your way to the toilet while wearing your baby on your front and finally get to pee but then your baby starts squirming because MOMMY I LIKE MOVEMENT! and now you're peeing and trying to dart the pee around so you don't pee on your baby's legs because good mommies don't pee on their babies and then geeshush, the next thing you know you've peed all over your own damn legs and shorts and foot and GOD it's on my flip flop! and then you have to put yourself all back together and try to make your way through the grocery store, looking at people like, what? it's water, bitches, but you know and they know that that's no water.

Yeah, that happened to me.

5 comments:

Hilary said...

lol Snort!

Daryl said...

Covering mouth to stop laughter but not fast enough

Parsing Nonsense said...

I may never go shopping again...I'm sorry that happened to you but it's still funny. I may think twice before putting my baby in a sling at the grocery store.

Reilly (Jack & Charlie's Mama) said...

Oh my goodness, I just started laughing so hard that I almost peed all over myself.... :)

Deb said...

Please tell me you threw the flipflops out! I will buy you a new pair. Promise!